My friends, they love my intelligence
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
