She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
