found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
