i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
