can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
