My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
