Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
