I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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