Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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