1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
