just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
