i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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