I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
