And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
