I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
