I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
