How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
