i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
