I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
