Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
