shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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