i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
