I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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