It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
