the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
