remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
