I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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