over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
