I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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