It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
