The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
