"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
