Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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