I want to have your abortion
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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