i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
