nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
