I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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