when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Found the puke drawer
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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