Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
