I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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