hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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