That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
