My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
