that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
