my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
