Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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