I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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