woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
