Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My ass is underappreciated
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
