this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
