we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
