life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
