Sorry, I don't speak sober.
birth control should be required to get into college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
