i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
