umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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